Words and Coffee

Looking for the perfect formula.

I’ve been working on developing a concise blurb for the novel I’m writing. I’ve gone through no less than four iterations of a back-of-the novel blurb in hopes of distilling the story in my mind. And as of last night, I reduced it further to a one sentence blurb that I’m not embarrassed to put up on the blog.

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Check it out.

From this:

The Magnate Trust rules the ancient industrial city of Bogazeci, but raw materials rule the Magnate Trust.  Centuries of ceaseless manufacturing and trade have depleted Bogazeci’s raw material reserves. Head Magnate Atakan Shrike seeks the living magic from the desert steppe of the Jashem to stoke the fires of industry and his dreams of an empire.

One thousand miles to the east an airship crashes in the Jashem. When Yuruk nomad Khyrg al Wahid discovers the downed airship — and the survivors — Khyrg must choose between the ancient laws of his people and outlanders from the city that has plundered the Jashem for two hundred years.

Khyrg’s journey takes him back to Bogazeci where he confronts the specters of his past. Amid intrigues and civil unrest in the city, Khyrg learns the sacrifice that must be made to save his family and his people. But can he overcome the painful memories of his past to make it?

To this:

When a nomad discovers the survivors of a downed airship, he forsakes his clan to guide the survivors back to the city that hides his painful past and uncovers a secret that may destroy his people.

It’s not perfect, but I feel like it’s getting closer. My hope is to have this stuff ironed out by the time I start querying.

BONUS ROUND: An attaboy for anyone who identifies the source of the title of this post.

Nomad Khyrg al Wahid witnesses an airship crash in his arid highland home known as the Jashem. Two survivors emerge from the wreckage: an ethnographer and his assistant from Bogozechi, a dark industrial city rife with intrigue. Khyrg’s clan rival, Anwar ibn Masaud, having also followed the crash, arrives at the crash site moments later and demands the traditional punishment for trespassing in clan territory – execution. Khyrg is torn between his people’s ancient code and the compassion in his heart. Anwar forces his hand and attacks. Khyrg deals Anwar a mortal blow and flees with the Bogozechians to a defunct rail yard where he uses forbidden magic to coax an old engine to life. As they steam into the heart of the Jashem and beyond, Khyrg learns the true nature of his companions’ expedition. Too late he realizes his choice has placed him between the anvil of the Bedu – the people of his heart – and the hammer of Bogozechi’s grasping Magnate Lords.

Just got ‘em up this evening – check ‘em out to the right. Now I have something to tell those who ask. If you have any feedback, feel free to post.